It's all good!

Sometimes I look at my life and wonder, how on earth did I get here? I think about the drama - both good and bad, and ponder how life could be different if I had made alternate decisions.

There are days when my mind gets stuck focusing on the bad, the ugly, the "made for tv movie" drama that has transpired through the years and I can't help but creep in to a depression. Some days and weeks that depression lingers, it tightens its grip around my heart and I am unable to shake it's hold. The simple tasks of life seem like a hurdle made for an Olympic track star, the dishes pile up, the garbage smells, and the endless loads of laundry grow like an uncontrollable monster. Desperately I attempt to rid my mind of the ache, the pain that is so heavy I feel that I should be able to grasp it in my fist. Some days I don't succeed, but others - I do.

I am so blessed, I have an amazing boy, a wonderful family who has shown their support to be unconditional to the extreme, a job that I am good at and enjoy getting up for each day (alright - not every day, but most). I am reminded of all those positives in my life today, as I prepare to send the Little Man off to Kindergarten. It isn't perfect, I would love to walk him in to school and get him situated in class, to greet him with open arms as he runs off the bus; but I will be there, I will do the best I can with what life has to offer at this moment. While I will not be there with the Little Man in person that day, I will be there in spirit.

On a whim a few weeks back the Little Man and I made our way to his new elementary school. I sat back in disbelief, that this is where my baby is at in his life just stuns me, while he ran blissfully around the playground and the open school campus. Upon entrance to the school grounds, the Little Man spied a pine cone that he had to posses as his own. He clutched that pine cone as we made our way to his classroom, the library, and the gym; he still held firm as he approached the playground with wide eyes. He played for a short while before becoming solemn and the reality of Kindergarten began to sink in. In the style of Audrey Penn and The Kissing Hand the Little Man asked if I would be with him on his first day, this new road he would be navigating in a few short weeks. My heart ached a bit as I took the pine cone from his fingers, and kissed it. After, I asked the Little Man to do the same and we hid that pine cone, where only he would know, so that I can be there with him on that fateful first day.

The Little Man knows of The Kissing Hand and will kiss mine when the mood is right. The significance of the pine cone for him will be immense and will bring him calm in his otherwise unsettled life.

I am so lucky, to have a child that loves with his hole being. That even on his worst days will snuggle in to my lap and rub my cheek, that he will massage my feet if I have a long day, and that when he retires for the night I am who he wants near him.

A great family - check; a good job - check; the most amazing child a mom could ask for - check. I have everything I could possibly need, and then a little more.