But I'm his Mom...and I'm supposed to fix this stuff

I had a long conversation with the Little Man's teacher yesterday. It all started with just wanting a progress report on his day - he had a rough couple days but not in his typical fashion. He was crying a lot and having accidents at school and at home. Turns out my worry was for nothing, he was doing great and earned 1 1/2 out of 2 stickers for the day!

We began talking a lot about his progress through the year and where he is struggling. She broached the subject of his current placement (integrated classroom with 6 special needs students and 15 mainstream) and stressed how this placement is with the intent of having the students working primarily in a large group setting - one that he is just not ready for. ALL of the class instruction is having to be retaught to him in a small group setting or one on one. His teacher, as I've said before, is amazing though and I think she actually enjoys the one on one time she has with him. While I appreciate all the work she's putting in for him, I know that it takes away from the other students in class. I believe she is trying to prep me for Contained Learning Classroom for him next year - a classroom comprised completely of special needs students.

I have been growing increasingly concerned with his social skills lately. He has always been delayed in this area - and when he had his initial screening for services 3 years ago that was the area with the greatest deficit. He seemingly has made NO progress in his social abilities since that time and in some areas has even regressed. When the Little Man was in the hospital last May, they questioned whether or not he was Asperger's (high functioning Autism). With a heavy heart and a deep breath - I came out and asked his teacher yesterday what her opionion was. If anyone would have in inclination one way or another it would be her.

Her words hit hard, though they weren't entirely unexpected. Hearing someone else echo your deepest fears is not something you ever want to hear. She told me that she was not in a position at the moment to suggest Asperger's - because then the district would have to pay for testing and she can't say that without discussing with them first. She said I NEEDED to follow up on that with his doctor. She also said that if she were to do an assessment on him right now - that he'd be at a 2 1/2 to 3 year old level in social development.

Asperger's has loomed in the back of my mind for over a year. I couldn't pinpoint why it bothered me so bad to hear the words from her. And then it hit me. Bipolar, I can all but cure that. As controversial as it sounds (and if you're in my shoes, you'll get it) I can give him the support and the medications that he needs to get beyond many of the issues that accompany his bipolar. That skinned knee can have a band-aid, I can patch it, it will leave a scar that may loom around, but it's livable. Asperger's? I can't fix it. There is no band-aid big enough to cover that wound. Yes, I can support him and help give him tools to work through the challenges that Asperger's brings, but I can't, no matter how hard I try, make it go away. This wound will never heal.