Happy Birthday...

The Little Man turns seven on Tuesday, I am in disbelief. It all goes way too fast and he's now closer to being a teenager than an infant! I bought him size 10 jeans the other day, I was in denial that my 6 year old could possibly need anything larger than an 8 but I had to face the facts. (when they don't reach fully around his waist to button, you know you need to adjust your thoughts a bit!)

Monday he wore his new jeans to school and ended up with a rash on his inner thighs from it. Wednesday it was apparently hurting him on recess so he went to the nurses office and I got a call while on my way back to work from lunch. I tried to assure her that it was nothing and she suggested that if he put band-aids on he might feel better. I didn't have a problem with it and told her to go ahead and have him do that, if he was willing. Then she says "Sometimes children take things like that better from mom so I'm going to put him on the phone." NOOOOO!!!!!! Rule #1: Never, I mean NEVER, give a child with severe separation anxiety the phone to talk to mom in the middle of the day unless you want a riot on your hands. Before I could stop her I could hear that angelic voice on the other end...

TLM: "Mom? My leg hurts."

Me: "I know baby, she's going to get you some band-aids and it will feel better."

TLM: (voice wavering) "Mom?"

Me: "Yes honey?"

TLM: (hysterics) "You need to come!!! You can't leave me here, I NEED you!"

Me: "Honey, you're fine, get the band-aids and I'll see you at daycare."

TLM: speechless and sobbing

Nurse: "Well...that didn't work too well, did it?"

Me: resisting the urge to slap her through the phone "No, he doesn't do well with phone calls."


She said she would get him the band-aids and then send him to class. I told her to call me at work if she needed anything. 20 minutes later she calls. "He's fitting in the office, I don't know what to do with him. I really think you need to get here soon."

Really???? I kind of took my sweet time getting my stuff together to leave work, I was in the middle of a project that I didn't want to leave 1/2 complete. When I did leave, I called her to let her know I was on my way. A few minutes later she calls back and says that his teacher has him and that I'm supposed to call her on her personal number.

Mrs. T: "TLM is FINE. You need to turn your car around and get back to work!"

Me: "He's okay?"

Mrs. T: "She called me and said you were on your way and that he was having a meltdown in her office. He wasn't having a meltdown, he was having a 'sit'down and wouldn't respond to her. He shut down when he got off the phone with you, but now he's in library and he's happy and fine - oh, and he says his legs don't hurt anymore."

Me: "Thank you Mrs. T."

Mrs. T: "No problem, go back to work."


I love her. She's so wonderful and she KNOWS him. She knew exactly what he needed and he is so comfortable with her. She knows how to reach him when he shuts down, which he does too often, but she can bring him back and make him feel safe.

April 1st, a few short weeks, is when we have the meeting to determine his placement for next year. I still really hope that he can be in her class again. I think it will help him tremendously in his academics to not have to get through the hurdle of bonding with another teacher in the beginning of the year. It's one obstacle that is already out of the way.

On the 18th of March is our appointment with the psychologist to discuss Asperger's. More and more I feel like that diagnosis 'fits' him. Just yesterday I felt it when he was trying to interact with the neighbor children. It's so unnatural for him and it always seems like it's such an effort. Add to that the fact that the children know how to make him think he's playing with them when really he's not (yesterday they told him they were playing cops and robbers - he being the cop, them playing whatever they were playing and running away from him anytime he got near). It's disheartening to me as a parent (and their parents should be ashamed!) and maybe if he has gets the diagnosis, it will open up more help for him in teaching social skills.

Anyway...this post really got off track and has nothing to do with his birthday, but Happy Birthday anyway! Love you, Baby!!!

But I'm his Mom...and I'm supposed to fix this stuff

I had a long conversation with the Little Man's teacher yesterday. It all started with just wanting a progress report on his day - he had a rough couple days but not in his typical fashion. He was crying a lot and having accidents at school and at home. Turns out my worry was for nothing, he was doing great and earned 1 1/2 out of 2 stickers for the day!

We began talking a lot about his progress through the year and where he is struggling. She broached the subject of his current placement (integrated classroom with 6 special needs students and 15 mainstream) and stressed how this placement is with the intent of having the students working primarily in a large group setting - one that he is just not ready for. ALL of the class instruction is having to be retaught to him in a small group setting or one on one. His teacher, as I've said before, is amazing though and I think she actually enjoys the one on one time she has with him. While I appreciate all the work she's putting in for him, I know that it takes away from the other students in class. I believe she is trying to prep me for Contained Learning Classroom for him next year - a classroom comprised completely of special needs students.

I have been growing increasingly concerned with his social skills lately. He has always been delayed in this area - and when he had his initial screening for services 3 years ago that was the area with the greatest deficit. He seemingly has made NO progress in his social abilities since that time and in some areas has even regressed. When the Little Man was in the hospital last May, they questioned whether or not he was Asperger's (high functioning Autism). With a heavy heart and a deep breath - I came out and asked his teacher yesterday what her opionion was. If anyone would have in inclination one way or another it would be her.

Her words hit hard, though they weren't entirely unexpected. Hearing someone else echo your deepest fears is not something you ever want to hear. She told me that she was not in a position at the moment to suggest Asperger's - because then the district would have to pay for testing and she can't say that without discussing with them first. She said I NEEDED to follow up on that with his doctor. She also said that if she were to do an assessment on him right now - that he'd be at a 2 1/2 to 3 year old level in social development.

Asperger's has loomed in the back of my mind for over a year. I couldn't pinpoint why it bothered me so bad to hear the words from her. And then it hit me. Bipolar, I can all but cure that. As controversial as it sounds (and if you're in my shoes, you'll get it) I can give him the support and the medications that he needs to get beyond many of the issues that accompany his bipolar. That skinned knee can have a band-aid, I can patch it, it will leave a scar that may loom around, but it's livable. Asperger's? I can't fix it. There is no band-aid big enough to cover that wound. Yes, I can support him and help give him tools to work through the challenges that Asperger's brings, but I can't, no matter how hard I try, make it go away. This wound will never heal.